I got Drummer-boy's phone number (via the, I think, stalkerish means of asking a mutual friend for it) but I don't really know what to do with this information...
I mean, really, why do I need/want it? To what end? I know, I know, to text/call him same as I would anyone were I to have their phone number but I can't help feeling that (I have literally run out of things to say... ) what? What? Feeling that he may misconstrue my intentions? Or worse, actually construe my intentions? and so the heckity what?
WHAT IS THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN??
Indeed.
Wednesday, 15 June 2011
Saturday, 11 June 2011
I think it is really sad...
that it has taken me so long to realise that good friends exist and I feel lucky to have met some. Finally. All good things and all that though, and as usual I have played the long game. All this delayed gratification (though) makes the goodness that much better. Or something. Innit?
Also, I am able to zip up my army jacket (finally!!) and although it is a proper squeeze still it shows that all of this 'watching what I eat' stuff is paying off. GOOD.
And, I have proven my love and enthusiasm for 'Nineteen Eighty-Four' so much so that my adviser commented on it (an I got a decent grade, yo)... I love it so much it that it annoyed me that in her comments her referring to it as 1984 bugged the snot outta me. Orwell insisted on the words, thus so do I. He'd be turning in his grave, he would. Bloody academics.
Finally, due to me finishing reading the self-help book I have stopped mooning over Drummer-boy. Yes, I still like him (I can't turn that off, like some sorta tap) but I have become unobsessed. I just like him. This is after I signed into a different Facebook account to see whether he had blocked me even though, rationally, I knew that he didn't. BUT... Where are you drummer-boy? Where ARE you? Curiouser and curiouser... My mate (also in drummer-boy's band) is playing a solo set next week... maybe DB will be there, for moral support, like? Or maybe he's dead? Or moved? Or married? or WHAT? Where ARE YOU?
Fuck!
Also, I am able to zip up my army jacket (finally!!) and although it is a proper squeeze still it shows that all of this 'watching what I eat' stuff is paying off. GOOD.
And, I have proven my love and enthusiasm for 'Nineteen Eighty-Four' so much so that my adviser commented on it (an I got a decent grade, yo)... I love it so much it that it annoyed me that in her comments her referring to it as 1984 bugged the snot outta me. Orwell insisted on the words, thus so do I. He'd be turning in his grave, he would. Bloody academics.
Finally, due to me finishing reading the self-help book I have stopped mooning over Drummer-boy. Yes, I still like him (I can't turn that off, like some sorta tap) but I have become unobsessed. I just like him. This is after I signed into a different Facebook account to see whether he had blocked me even though, rationally, I knew that he didn't. BUT... Where are you drummer-boy? Where ARE you? Curiouser and curiouser... My mate (also in drummer-boy's band) is playing a solo set next week... maybe DB will be there, for moral support, like? Or maybe he's dead? Or moved? Or married? or WHAT? Where ARE YOU?
Fuck!
Thursday, 9 June 2011
I guess I am no longer a student...
... for now. But I am still really rather immature.
I was thinking the other day about drummer-boy (well, when ain't I?) and I think that some of the problem is that I really just don't know how to 'play the game'. I mean, when A says X B is supposed to say Z... I don't know what the heck any of it means. So when A says X I say some bullshit like 'did you know that pink is traditionally a boys colour?' or 'oh may I use your toilet?'. When someone asks 'would you like a coffee?' I hear 'would you like a coffee?' and reply 'yes please. Milk 2 sugars. Thanks' when what I should be saying is 'hmmm hell yeah I wanna "coffee" baby' or something. I don't know. I am approaching this from a 12 year old's perspective. Oh whatever.
I am reading this self-help book that a friend lent me... I'm not really into pop. psych. self-help stuff, but he talks a lot about a dog is just a dog and they accept you for who you are and you accept them for who they are. I like that. I do accept and love my dogs. And, totally, if someone doesn't like you for being you, so what? That's OK. That isn't rejection or a reflection on you it's just a thing. I don't like chillies, there's no offence meant to chillies they just aren't for me. That's OK. I can live in the world and so can chillies. So if drummer boy (or anyone) doesn't like me that's OK. It's not a reflection on me not being good enough, I just ain't what that particular person wants. And that is OK.
OK is fine by me.
I was thinking the other day about drummer-boy (well, when ain't I?) and I think that some of the problem is that I really just don't know how to 'play the game'. I mean, when A says X B is supposed to say Z... I don't know what the heck any of it means. So when A says X I say some bullshit like 'did you know that pink is traditionally a boys colour?' or 'oh may I use your toilet?'. When someone asks 'would you like a coffee?' I hear 'would you like a coffee?' and reply 'yes please. Milk 2 sugars. Thanks' when what I should be saying is 'hmmm hell yeah I wanna "coffee" baby' or something. I don't know. I am approaching this from a 12 year old's perspective. Oh whatever.
I am reading this self-help book that a friend lent me... I'm not really into pop. psych. self-help stuff, but he talks a lot about a dog is just a dog and they accept you for who you are and you accept them for who they are. I like that. I do accept and love my dogs. And, totally, if someone doesn't like you for being you, so what? That's OK. That isn't rejection or a reflection on you it's just a thing. I don't like chillies, there's no offence meant to chillies they just aren't for me. That's OK. I can live in the world and so can chillies. So if drummer boy (or anyone) doesn't like me that's OK. It's not a reflection on me not being good enough, I just ain't what that particular person wants. And that is OK.
OK is fine by me.
Friday, 3 June 2011
too old to get too drunk
I don't know why I don't or can't just learn my lesson... What is wrong with me? I cannot go out and imbibe copious amounts of alcohol when I haven't eaten anything all day (even if I have, too). Now I have no idea how I got home, a graze on my hand and knee and bruises... maybe I got Rohypnol'd. Maybe I should just grow the fuck up.
Thursday, 26 May 2011
It's Overrrrr
So, I am a graduand. That is: someone who is in the process of graduating. Meh...
So, he replied. And? And nothing. He was away and now that he is back I have received no further communication from him except that his sister 'friend requested' me on Facebook. So, does this mean something? Maybe, what the hell do I know? Indeed.
I have decided to write stuff in the vain hope that this summer will not lead to a nervous breakdown by boredom. I have booked my graduation tickets and paid (£55!!!!) for them and an alumni card. I also bought a GameBoy game today. So that's something to do for a bit. SIGH!
So, he replied. And? And nothing. He was away and now that he is back I have received no further communication from him except that his sister 'friend requested' me on Facebook. So, does this mean something? Maybe, what the hell do I know? Indeed.
I have decided to write stuff in the vain hope that this summer will not lead to a nervous breakdown by boredom. I have booked my graduation tickets and paid (£55!!!!) for them and an alumni card. I also bought a GameBoy game today. So that's something to do for a bit. SIGH!
Wednesday, 18 May 2011
So maybe I was a little premature stresshead cowbag
He replied.
Now to over analyse the shit out of the message. I am such a lame brain prick.
On a different note. Today is the day I print the dissertation. I attempted to find the Copy Shop but failed. Geez, can I do ANYTHING right? Am awaiting my fellow printee but am procrastinating from life now. I have little else to do so am procrastinating from living... ish.
and am vaguely on Operation:Acquisition... we'll see eh?
Probably
Now to over analyse the shit out of the message. I am such a lame brain prick.
On a different note. Today is the day I print the dissertation. I attempted to find the Copy Shop but failed. Geez, can I do ANYTHING right? Am awaiting my fellow printee but am procrastinating from life now. I have little else to do so am procrastinating from living... ish.
and am vaguely on Operation:Acquisition... we'll see eh?
Probably
Tuesday, 17 May 2011
Messages and Freedom
So i have finished my dissertation and merely need to print it off. With this completion in mind I have decided to turn my attentions to the acquisition of drummer-boy so I sent him a message clearly and plainly asking him if he would care to meet for a drink. This was on the advice of my blunt Italian friend who said 'he kept looking for you and it is obvious he likes you' and she is mean and blunt and to-the-point so I thought: ok. So I sent him a message.
No reply.
No reply.
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