I do not like Jane Austen...

I have so much work to do but I am seriously hungover after an intense and busy weekend. I am tired and stupid. At the age of 28 you'd think I would have learned that I cannot drink like I used to. UGH! Well, time to read a decent book for my New York module and bloody Mansfield Park by Austen for my childhood module... I refer to the title of this post. In fact, I'd go so far as to say I hate Jane Austen. There. I said it.

Is soberly drunk

I just need to write this, laundry list style:
1 need to do a heck load of work and would like to get ahead, then I can see Hailey Jean on Wednesday
2 people that cannot drink, should not drink
3 it is berloody freeeeeeezing. I think it may be illegal
4 need to do some dissertation shit, but it's 4am so I will do it on Monday
5 I am sleepy.
Goodnight

I think I like you, or maybe I'm just bored?

Oh dear! But then I have always had a soft spot for you...
hmmm...
I shan't behave like an adolescent. It's just not right or becoming. And I shall stop thinking about you. I shall cease and desist. I have a lot of control over my emotions. Really.
I will see you next month, but it is nothing to do with seeing you, you understand? And I shall put out of my mind that you were very pleasant to talk to and said 'hello' to me in a genuinely pleased to see me kinda way.
I think I am just bored...
I am a very boring person, you know?

I feel funny and I might die

Although, I may be being melodramatic and hypochrondiacal. Probably not a word but you know what I mean. I am currently at university in the very cold and not aptly named 'The Hive'. There is nothing hive-like about this place. And not one bee to be found either, although that's probably a blessing. I am on 500 words of a 3000 word essay. I have very little to say about the book I am writing about and very little to write in my essay, but it'll get done one way or another. I am being positive and optimistic and the fact is it is only worth 50% of a second year module. I figure that if I get a minimum of 50 for it I shall have got a C overall for the module and, as I found it difficult and only read one of the texts then that is a great result. Way to go to me. I might go grab a coffee and re-consolidate my thoughts (thought) and figure out what bollocks shit I am going to write next. It is 10 to 6 and the library closes at midnight. I do not want to be here til late but I have to do what I have to do. See? Positivity!
HAH!!
On a slightly different note, I have just 10 weeks left of lectures and then it is all over. WOWZA!

I have reached the limit on my 'emergency' credit card and so have to wait a week until I can afford to leave the house again and I have done zero work on my dissertation or either of my essays. I am freezing to buggery in my fridge of a bedroom (I am writing this whilst wearing my coat) and my eyesight is all funny. Too much time spent looking at this computer screen. I realllllly need to DO something. I need to leave the house. I need to read some books. I need to write my essays and I need to get on with IT.
I am such a dick-head, knob-brain.
Happy New Year!!!

Waiting and waiting (in vain for your love?)

I feel like I am always just waiting for my life to begin... waiting for money, for my degree to end and I can start my career, for when I move out. God, I am so bored of waiting. On a different note, I mostly wanted to moan about someone who drinks too much, does irresponible things and then worres about them, asks my opinion and gets surprised when I say that she acted irresponsibly. Or gets annoyed when I shrug and say OK. Bloody people. I can't wait for this all to be over, one way or another.
I don't feel well and it's Christmas in less than a week. I am doing all of the cooking for my family so I'd better get better!
Also, I cannot wait for my credit card to get here so I can actually buy what I need for Christmas. Man, I wish I had money...

one more moan on this beautiful Sunday

I am not psychic. I am bored of asking 'how high?' when you tell me to jump. I am sick of being reliant on you all for money. Stupid me for becoming a student. I am tired of always having to back down and be always being on your side, or your side or your side. I would like to be on my side. Which is no side at all. You're all wrong. I am sorry that sometimes I am thoughtless because I have an awful lot going on in my head. I am not feeling sorry for myself and I do not want to cry. I am not sad. I am merely frustrated that I have to constantly tip-toe on egg shells all of the time and yet if I am feeling sad or tearful or anxious or like crying, I am being melodramatic. And a troublemaker. And don't accuse me of not caring for our dogs. I do. I stress out. I take them to the vet. I complain to the vet about poor service. I trek to and fro across London. I may not have paid completely for things, but, trust me, I have paid.

So, shaddap. Stop fucking griping and guilt-tripping and moaning. And arguing.